he was CRYING into my vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize