My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
