he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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