my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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