thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
