I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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