he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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