I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
