You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
