You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
