she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
