if i can run in heels then i can drive
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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