guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
