TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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