Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
