i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
