yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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