I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
