I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
