We're facebook friends in real life
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
