you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
