sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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