I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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