No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's great music for shaving your balls
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
