It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
