People in love make me want to vomit
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
