I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize