I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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