So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
