you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
