hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
