We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
