He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
