I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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