Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We just shotgunned beers for America
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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