I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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