if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
