I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
