I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
