How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
