My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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