I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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