did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
