I heard we made out
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
