I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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