my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
