Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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