i would punch a child for taco bell
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
