Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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