If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
