Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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