It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
