oh god the rape fog is back!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
