Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
