he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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