Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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