You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
