so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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