Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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