I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
