You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My balls are so social today.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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