So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize