who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
