we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
