Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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